INTERVIEWS
THIS WEEK
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LINK
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MIDO
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KAEPORA GAEBORA
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RUTO
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BACK
TO TEAM ANTI
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Ruto
finally gave me my equipment back and I checked
in with OWL to see if he had made any progress
with this YELLOW POTION Rumor.
He had been to the Swamp and had talked to
Keapora and Geabora. They refused to be
interviewed but did give statements:
BOMBSHELL! Link had GOLD DUST! He was paying for
his Blue Potions with it! This means he HAD to
have been Racing at the Goron Racetrack! This
does not change the fact that Link is addicted to
Blue Potion or that Epona is Pregnant!
It is a known fact that Zelda does not like Link
racing with the Gorons: Too Dangerous!
SO, I went to find Link to confirm this new
information.
I happened to know he was in Gerudo Valley. He
likes to go Rock Climbing up there.
And That's where it happened!
Link Attacked me!
I just happened to have cameras rolling...check
out this footage!
*Film begins*
G: I'm here high up in the Valley. I'm looking
for Link. He is up here somewhere Rock Climbing.
It is one of his favorite past times. I have left
my crew down by the Carpenters Camp. He is here
and I will find him.
*GossipStoner continues climbing*
G: Yes! I have come up on what must be Links
Camp! He's obviously NOT up here climbing! From
what I can see, Link is up here
with...AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!
*GossipStoner takes a nasty sword strike in the
back! He turns just in time to see Link punch the
ground! Dins Fire Erupts! GossipStoner is burnt
to a crisp! Link quickly takes out an Ice Arrow
and shoots GossipStoner in the head and he
becomes a block of ice! Link takes out the
Megaton Hammer and crushes GossipStoner! Link
then picks up GossipStoner and throws him off the
cliff!*
G: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! *Splat!*
*Owl flies over to GossipStoner*
Owl: Here! Drink This!
*Owl gives GossipStoner a Blue Potion*
Owl: I told you I should have went instead of
you!
G: *Cough Cough Hack Gag Gag Cough*
OOOOOOHHHHHH!!!
Owl: Drink it all!
G: Thanks Owl. Link is a little upset. I bet
Zelda doesn't know what he's up to! He's up there
with...*recording stops suddenly*
Well, there you
go! The camera was destroyed but I managed to
save the disc. Shocking behavior! I'll recover
but Link has crossed the line! No more Mr. Nice
Guy!
I'll expose his little secrets!
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Interview With Link
Reported
by: GossipStoner
I was in Subway having a
sammich when Link came in. He looked kinda down
so I asked him to sit with me. Seems he was
having trouble with Epona.
Link: She just doesn't run and jump like she used
to.
GossipStoner: Whats the problem?
L: Well, everytime I get to a fence, she just
stops. Even carrots don't help. And she won't
even run anymore. I don't know what to do.
G: Have you had her checked out?
L: What do you mean?
G: A Vet. Have you had her checked by the vet?
L: I didn't think about that.
G: You know, I wasn't going to say anything but I
saw her at the ranch with Ganondorf's Black
Gerudo.
L: You don't think!
G: Yeah, I think you'll have a little EPONY
before long.
Hey, I'd like to have EPONY when she's old enough.
L: It's a rumor! Don't you print that in your
paper!
G: I'll have you know that the HYLIAN ENQUIRER
does not print anything that is not true!
L: Oh Yeah? What about that story you ran about
Gold Saddles and Sky Temples?
G: My sources told me it was true!
L: Yeah! Sure! What about that story about Malon
being the Half Sister of Zelda! The Kings Love
Child! HUH?
G: That was settled in court!
L: It wasn't true!
G: Let me ask you a question. Just so I can clear
up one point.
L: As long as you print the truth, ask away.
G: Isn't it true you are a Blue Potion Addict?
L: NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT!
G: Isn't it true that you will not go anywhere
without your Potion?
L: NO!
G: Isn't it true, MR. Link, that you will go way
out of your way, even stop what you are doing
just to get some Blue Stuff?
L: NO! NO!
G: MR. Link, Isn't it true that you will do
anything for rupees. Kill, Destroy Jars, Run all
over Hyrule, just to get Rupees for your precious
Blue POTION!!???
L: LIES! LIES!!
G: Relax. Relax. I'll tell it straight! don't
worry. we're friends. Some people were just
wondering. It doesn't look good when you just up
and leave a Temple in the middle just to get some
Potion, That's all.
L: Don't put that in your paper please! I'm a
HERO for gosh sakes!
G: Say, could you get me an Interview with Zelda?
I've got a few questions I'd like to ask her.
Hey, WAIT! DON'T LEAVE!!!
Well, Link left. Don't worry, He'll be back. And
I will get my Interview with Zelda. Stay Tuned!
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Kaepora Gaebora: Our Source
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This Just In!
In the never ending pursuit of truth, we have
uncovered a shocking story! Our investigative
reporter OWL has a LIVE report with Thief Bird!
WE go LIVE to Termina Field via MOON link! OWL
are you there?
OWL: es e re he wi Thi B d. In a sh disc we have
lea tha LINK has b tak mush
GossipStoner: We seem to be having technical
difficulties. Skull Kid must be fooling with the
equipment again. O.K. we now have OWL LIVE!
OWL: Hoot! Hoot! Sorry about that GS. Yes we are
here with Thief Bird. In a shocking discovery we
have learned that LINK has been taking Mushrooms
and having a Yellow potion made! What is LINK
doing with YELLOW potion Thief Bird?
TB: He is mixing the Yellow with the Green to
make Blue.
He's been doing it since he was a boy.
OWL: And how do you know this Thief Bird?
TB: I stole a Yellow Potion from him and was
curious about it. I followed him and he went and
got a Mushroom, took it to the swamp and got a
Yellow potion. He then mixed it with a Green he
had and WHAM! Blue Potion. He drank it right
down.
G: Sorry to interrupt OWL, but I have a question.
OWL: Go ahead GS.
G: Do you happen to have that Yellow potion you
stole?
TB: Well, no , I sold it to...
G: SO! You have no proof this Yellow Potion even
exist!?
TB: Look, I can...
G: How do you know he has been doing this since
he was a boy?
TB: Well, I just assumed...
G: Thank you Thief Bird. That's all we need from
you.
TB: But...
G: OWL?
OWL: Yes, GS. Sorry about the false alarm.
G: It's o.k., Go to the swamp and see if you can
confirm this Yellow Potion. I'll find LINK and
ask him some questions. In the meantime, Folks,
Sorry about the interruption. We now take you back
to regularly scheduled posting. |
ALL THE NEWS THAT'S
FIT TO PRINT!
(You Just Can't Make This Stuff Up!)
GossipStoner here Lakeside
with RUTO, Sage of the Water Temple and one time Fiance
of LINK, Hero of Time, Holder of the Master Sword,
Defender of the Realm Blah Blah Blah.
RUTO herself is a
Princess. Link only goes after Royalty it seems. Power
hungry? Probably, but that is another story.
Lets get to it...
Princess Ruto, I
think everyone already knows you have a thing for LINK.
Could you tell us what you see in him?
Ruto: Thank you for having me here, GossipStoner. I hope
you keep this interview on a professional level.
G: Yeah, Sure, Of Course Ruto. Whatever you say Babe.
R: Thats PRINCESS RUTO! And don't call me Babe!
G: *Coughs, clears throat* Princess Ruto! Of course!
Forgive me your highness!
R: You have one more time!*taps foot angrily on a rock*
G: Yes Maam! Now can we please continue?
R: What do I see in LINK? He is so Cute! He is Cool, too.
The way he walks, he is so sauve! He is so Brave! He
isn't afraid of anything! He always helps others! And he
knows all kinds of Majic!
G: Oh, this is making me sick. I think i'm going to throw
up.
R: What did you say!
G: Uh, I said...Yeah, he knows some neat tricks, Maybe he
will show up!
R: Watch It, Paperboy!
G: Is their anything you DON'T like about him?
R: Well, He is a little flighty. He doesn't get enough
rest and I think he Drinks too much. But that Blue Potion
isn't bad for you, is it?
G: Naw, I drink it all the time.
R: That's reassuring.
G: That nice stuff goes both ways Princess.
R: I'm sorry. Next question.
G: What does the future hold for You and Link?
R: Well, hopefully we can get married and have some kids!
Lots of kids! We can live down here on Lake Hylia! Link
could build us a house out of Lost Forest Wood! That way
no one could find us! We could live Happily Ever After!
G: What about Zelda?
R: What ABOUT Zelda!?
G: Uh Huh. I see. Well, how does being a Sage effect
this?
R: Well, I guess it wont happen...It's very sad...I wish
you hadn't asked that! I am so upset! Why did you have to
bring that up? Your an Evil Man! I hate you!
G: You seem to be such a beautiful girl, so slender with
a nice figure.
R: OH! Why thank you! I'm so embarrassed!
G: Why is your father so FAT?
R: What? How Dare...
G: Didn't your mother leave him because he has an eating
problem?
R: No! That's not ni...
G: Well, It must be genetic. Won't you also swell up like
a cow?
R: YOU! You are so...
G: Isn't that why LINK won't marry you...because he knows
you will end up just like your father?
R: This is an outrage, I'll have you...
G: It's a good thing you're pretty, you've got a bad
attitude problem.
R: You'll regret doing this to...
G: Thank you RUTO. Fantastic having you here today. Come
back soon. Love ya! Bye , Bye!
R: YOU WON'T GET AWAY WITH TH...
G: Thanks everyone! That's all for this time. I need to
find a better place to do these interviews. I'm all wet!
Hey! Wait, what was...ouch! OUCH!
R: I'm going to get you! You can't keep doing this to
people!
G: OOUUCCHH!! Quit Hitting Me With That Thing!!
R: You'll need a whole Bottle of potion when I get
through with you! Don't Run From Me!
G: Gotta Go! This is GossipStoner
signing...AAAAAHHHHHOOOUUUCCCHHH!!!
R: This is Ruto, Princess of the Zoras. I have taken over
this show. Do not believe anything he has said. This
interview is over. I'm going to find him and finish the
job!
I'm going to put a knot on his head the size of Lon Lon
Ranch! I will be back!
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Link, looking quite
miffed after his interview with Staff Reporter
Gossip Stoner.
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Exclusive Interview
with MIDO
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*This
interview was recorded earlier for broadcast at
this time*
Disclaimer: Interviews with some Zelda Characters
is DANGEROUS! PLEASE! Don't try this at home!
Hello everyone, GossipStoner here with another
exclusive for the Hylian Enquirer. With all the
rumors surrounding Link these days who better to
talk to than his old childhood Mentor, MIDO,
Leader of the Kokori. We're very happy to have
this opportunity to sit down with a real Legend.
Without further delay, MR. MIDO!
Mido: I don't like you.
G: Yes, yes of course. Could you tells us whats
been going on in the Forest?
M: None of your business.
G: How are the Twins?
M: Nonya.
G: The Know It All Brothers?
M: Is this about that Lazy Slob Link or what?
G: I see Mr. Mido. Well, lets change gears.
M: Good.
G: Where's Navi?
M: Navi? What about Link?
G: Isn't it true, MIDO, that Navi was , in fact,
your Farie?
M: How did...
G: Didn't you mistreat her and cause her
Psychological problems?
M: What are you...
G: Didn't you keep her under your hat for weeks
at a time, refusing to listen to her?
M: This is an...
G: Didn't you send her back to the Deku Tree as
punishment?
M: She Messed up! It was her fault!
G: When you found out about Link and Navi you
were very upset weren't you?
M: How did...
G: You manipulated her into helping YOU , din't
you MIDO?
M: NO! I..
G: You told her to NAG Link, didn't you?
M: NO! She...
G: Don't help him when he really needs it...Thats
what you told her, Isn't it?
M: Where...
G: Isn't it true that you were jealous of Link
because of his relationship with Sarai?
M: Huh?
G: Didn't you intend to use Navi to come between
Link and Sarai?
M: Thats an outright...
G: Didn't you usurp control of the Kokori from
Sarai in a coup with your cousins the Know It All
Brothers?
M: Thats Redicu...
G: Aren't you, in fact one of Ganondorf's Minions
and locked Sarai in the Forest Temple yourself?
M: Now just a minute, I...
G: Where is Navi? Answer me Mr. Mido!
M: She's probably in...
G: Are you aware that I had scheduled an
interview with Navi?
M: No, How did...
G: Well, I can see you won't cooperate. Blocking
me at every turn. Don't be surprised at how this
comes out in the paper.
M: You can't print...
G: That's all Mr. Mido. Thank you so much for
dropping by. It was a real pleasure. Hope to have
you back again sometime, bye, bye.
M: WAIT! I'm not...
That's all for today folks. Hope you enjoyed it.
We are still waiting on Zelda to drop by. When we
find Navi, maybe we can clear some of this mess
up. Until then, don't believe it unless you read
it in the Hylian Enquirer |
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